The Rant
I Didn’t Date for 18 Months
Submitted by Maddison » Tue 19-Apr-2022, 18:40Subject Area: General | 2 member ratings |
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“It’s lit. Big crowd, open bar, good music and art!”
I stared at the text from my friend. I had asked for an update on the event she was heading to and there it was in the most titillating of ways.
But I was tired. A day of errand-running and multiple weeks of visitor-hosting had placed my will to be out at odds with my desire to be inside. Preferably with a heavy pour of wine, shameful amounts of cheese, and a 90s sitcom lulling me to sleep. As I checked in with myself, I realized that the only reason I would be leaving my apartment would be in hopes of meeting the soulmate of a man who lived rent-free in my fantasies… but unfortunately hadn’t shown up in my real life.
This sort of rallying – or pushing oneself to leave home despite feeling lethargic or lazy – is a hallmark of life post-pandemic (no, it’s not over but we sure are acting like it is, so go with it). That ... named COVID stole 18 months of our lives. For over a year, the only viable meet-cute seemed to be in the message page of a dating app. So, what are we going to do now? Squander away our hard-earned outside time?
But as I watched the Hillman crew, I decided that my quest for romantic run-ins and real love were not contingent on accepting every invitation I received to leave my apartment. I am not Shonda Rhimes and this is not my year of yes.
But what did it encompass? Did I need to start memorizing Ciara’s prayer? Perhaps start spending more time in sports bars or hardwood stores? Resign myself to going on tragic Bumble date after tragic Bumble date?
As a single Black woman, dating has often felt… heavy. Having crossed over the 30s line, I feel like I’ve been dropped into a game of dodgeball. But instead of curtailing balls thrown by spirited 10-year-olds, I’m darting questions from nosey aunties; slinking away from “I’ll be your wing woman” volunteers; cleverly jumping over date requests from jobless men— right before tripping over my own damn biological clock. While the pandemic may have given some of us a momentary pause on dating pressure, the return of outside privileges has meant that many of us once again feel a sense of intensity and urgency to make up for lost time and, ultimately, to find love.
But what if instead of feeling pressure, I saw the pandemic as the reset I needed? Like all my wayward electronics, perhaps I needed to shut down, take some time away from dating to re-enter the game more prepared? What if now is the moment to reboot my love life?
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